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A Journey from Pressure to Play: How Self-Love Transformed My Game
Yet even when I was walking the right path, my performance on the court was still struggling.
The Struggle: When Practice Wasn’t Enough
I dominated in practice. I felt confident during workouts. I won shooting drills with ease.
But when it came to games, my stomach would cramp, and I’d be haunted by every mistake long after the buzzer sounded. I lay awake replaying errors over and over, a constant loop of self-criticism.
I had devoured performance books and mindset podcasts, yet nothing changed. I tried to be a “killer" on the court, treating each game like a war where every moment was life or death. Trained to be a relentless competitor, I measured my worth by comparing myself to everyone around me.
I scrutinized players’ histories, checked league stats, and followed every box score. In a desperate bid to feel better about my limited minutes, I even resorted to trash-talking others—hating players I’d never met. I would dismiss NBA players as inferior while I struggled to earn playing time in the NBL.
The irony was clear. As Swiss psychologist Carl Jung wisely said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
I hated others for not being good—and I hated myself even more for not being good enough. On the court, I wasn’t playing to win; I was playing to prove I was worthy. This approach, however, was unsustainable. There would always be losses, better opponents, missed shots, and mistakes. The pressure was crushing, and it only led to poorer performance.
By my third pro year, with my contract on the line and every game a battle, failure loomed over my career. Then, in the season’s final months, everything shifted. I unlocked a new level of freedom—15 consecutive double-digit scoring games. One unforgettable night, while on FaceTime, tears of relief streamed down my face as I said,
“I did it. I’m officially an NBL player. My career is safe.”
This breakthrough transformed my entire approach to the game.
The Breakthrough: Discovering Self-Love
How did I transform my on-court performance in just one season? The answer was simple… LOVE.
I’m not talking about the typical romantic clichés—no sloppy roses or kisses in the rain. I’m referring to a love that grounds you in who you are. It’s about self-love—the unconditional acceptance that makes every part of your past worth it, the belief that you are enough just as you are.
This self-love became an infinite resource for energy, inspiration, and creativity. It helped me rise from failures, build resilience, and find peace even in pressure-packed moments on the court.
Basketball coaches, self-help books, or trainers didn’t teach this lesson. It came unexpectedly when I met Beth during Covid. Our connection was instant. Within weeks, we were spending every day together. We knew it was a forever relationship, even though it wasn’t always easy. We saw in each other the traits we disliked in ourselves, challenged old beliefs, and held each other accountable—all in a safe space built on trust and openness.
That relationship deepened not only our love for one another but also the love I had for myself. With my cup full, I no longer sought to defeat opponents to fill an inner void. Games became a playground for creativity and self-expression. The fear of failure evaporated, the pre-game shakes stopped, and I finally slept peacefully—whether after wins or losses.
Love replaced anger, comparison, and envy with growth, passion, and joy. I no longer hunted success to fill a void; I chased development to become the best version of myself for others. In this infinite game, every player is a winner when they play with love.
5 Steps to Cultivating Self-Love for Better Performance
Here are five actionable steps you can start today to create self-love and boost your basketball performance:
1. Reframe Self-Talk
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a close friend, don’t say it to yourself.
Replace self-criticism with constructive, supportive thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I am growing, learning, and improving every day.”
2. Detach Identity from Performance
Remember, you are not just an athlete or a competitor. Your worth isn’t defined solely by wins, losses, or stats.
Reflect on your values outside of performance—embrace who you are beyond the scoreboard.
3. Practice Gratitude for the Journey
Write down three things you love about yourself each day—whether it’s a skill, a value, or a personal quality.
Celebrate your progress and efforts, not just the final outcomes.
4. Surround Yourself with People Who Reflect Your Best Self
Build relationships with those who challenge, support, and uplift you.
Seek environments where trust and safety allow you to flourish.
5. Redefine Success
Shift your focus from just results to the process. Set growth-based goals rather than purely outcome-based ones.
For instance, instead of “I need to score 20 points,” aim for “I will play freely, trust my preparation, and embrace challenges.”
Conclusion: The Game Within the Game
For years, I believed that success in basketball depended on grinding harder, competing relentlessly, and proving I was better than everyone else. That mindset only bred frustration, anxiety, and a relentless cycle of self-doubt.
It wasn’t until I embraced love—love for the game, love for the journey, and most importantly, love for myself—that everything shifted.
Love didn’t make me soft; it made me unstoppable. It transformed the court from a battlefield into a playground, where each game became an opportunity to express myself rather than a test of my worth.
I spent too long chasing external validation, only to discover that the true source of strength comes from within. The moment I stopped trying to prove myself and began playing from a place of self-love, my game transformed.
The truth: This lesson goes far beyond basketball. Whether in sports, business, relationships, or life, true success is built on the quiet confidence that you are enough as you are—and on the love that fuels your growth.
That’s the real game. And everyone who plays it with love is already winning.
