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Problems will arise no matter where you are in life.
Elon Musk has problems, a man in jail has problems, and you have problems.
Finding a way to fix problems can be difficult.
This is where solution-based conversations come in.
Most of my problems arise in sports.
They are very direct and noticeable.
Play better defence
Grab more rebounds
Score more points
Everyone wants to fix these problems.
So everyone enthusiastically shouts problems at each other.
The intention is good.
We are problem aware.
But it's impossible to solve problems by just naming problems.
It only becomes overwhelming.
Solutions are needed.
This happened to my team last week.
It was a heated basketball game.
We were down by 1 at halftime.
Our team started discussing what we needed to do better in the second half.
Get more rebounds
Play with more energy
They are making too many threes
Great intention by everyone.
But solving the problem of being down 1 by naming more problems does no good.
I spoke up.
What actions can we take to solve these problems?
These actions must:
Solve the problem (Obviously)
Be controllable (Never missing a shot would solve all of our problems but we can't control this)
Be measurable (We need a way to track if they actually work)
Then we can hold each other accountable for our actions.
Now I'm not going to reveal our teams secret.
But we ended up winning the game by 11 points.
There were many reasons we turned the game around.
Do you think the halftime talk helped?
I do.
Let's break down what happened.
Problem-based conversation is when the topic is constantly bringing awareness to the problem at hand.
This step is needed. But everyone stays too long in this phase.
Once the problem is said once, that’s enough.
Solution-based thinking is shifting the topic into finding actions you can take.
Solution-based conversation gives us a way to move forward.
It is so simple.
Yet why don’t more people do it?
Here are 3 reasons why people don’t get into solution-based conversations.
Emotions.
When we run into a problem emotions will always arise.
Frustration
Disappointment
Anger
Sadness
These emotions are natural.
But they shut off our prefrontal cortex.
This part of the brain is used for critical thinking.
We become dogs barking at the neighbor walking passed our house.
No idea of how to fix the problem, just screaming at it.
Unaware of a solution.
Any basketball fan would know when their team needs to grab more rebounds.
But not many would know the intricacies that go into the accumulation effect of grabbing rebounds.
More knowledge is needed.
We know the answer and expect others to know as well.
A child trips over because his shoe is untied.
You tell him to tie his shoe up.
He doesn’t.
And trips over again.
Without thinking about it you yell at the child to tie the shoe up again.
The child starts to cry.
He doesn’t know how to tie up his shoe.
You were trying to fix the first problem by giving the child another problem.
Frustration arises for both parties in this case.
Now let's look at how to enter solution-based thinking.
Regulate your emotions.
In the heat of conversation or moment.
Check-in with yourself.
If you are feeling a little overwhelmed.
Find your breath or whatever tool you use to relax and calm your body.
Give yourself a minute to regather your focus.
Do research.
Learn more before going into the situation.
If you can afford to take a break, take one and reflect.
More knowledge might be needed to solve the problem.
That’s part of life.
Explain it to a 5-year-old.
Break down the steps simply.
If you can't explain it to a child then you don’t understand the principles well enough.
That would mean gathering more knowledge.
If you have the knowledge.
Lay out a simple, straightforward, and clear plan.
The easier it is the follow the better the results will be.
Especially in a group setting.
This shift in mindset can take some time.
But it will start to open new opportunities.
Problems will become exciting rather than daunting.
Some situations might arise that have no external solutions.
That’s where you can look inwards.
There is always something you can do to slightly improve the situation.
If it feels like there is no solution.
Knowledge is key.
Catch yourself when you are pointlessly complaining.
This is different from having a mindful conversation laying out the problems at hand.
Pointlessly complaining is a waste of energy.
Use that energy to search for new solutions to your problems.
Find a problem.
Search for a way to fix the problem.
Fix the problem. Find a better problem.
Repeat the cycle of life.
Thank you for reading.
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Have a great day.